Being Afraid To Be Hurt Again. When You Shut out the bad you also shut off the good.

Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.

Henri Nouwen

1. 
   I have been afraid of strangers ever since I can remember.

•   I know both my Mother and my father's mother who were some of my primary caregivers, were afraid of people. Now thinking back my Dad who I really never knew very well, even though when I was little he took me every where he went. I still really never knew him. Perhaps that is because he did not trust people and that even a child could see. So perhaps he was afraid of people too.  This particular fear has made my life a way I never thought it would be.
• Admit exactly where you are now. Make a plan to go some where else if you are uncomfortable with your reality. 
• Example, if you have been not really looking at yourself because you know you have gained weight, you just feel fat and ugly. But you are not fat or ugly, you are just preconceive them and your self that way.  I had a lot of things happen that hurt me a lot when I was a very young child and I was betrayed by some of the closest people in my life. I am grateful I had all those people in my childhood to love and care for me. I am grateful they taught me I could change and be different and how to find the answers.  Here I am at this age, going back and solving problems from my childhood so I don't have to continue hurting, being afraid, and can become more vital and alive. 

But I am very grateful that I still have time in this life time to solve some of these things and share what I learn each day.  I am so grateful that I can go back visit it and get out. I don't get stuck there. I simply draw forth the information and bring it back. Then I can use today's tools on solving the problem. 

1. So what am I going to do to solve this problem with being afraid of people?

•  I am going to go to one get together now over the summer with people from Linkedin.
• I am going to speak and smile at everyone I meet each day. I am going out of my way to say something nice to each person that crosses my path.
• When I am uncomfortable with how we are getting on I will bring it up with the person. Tell them about my self challenge.
• I am willing to give the situation/relationship one half hour of my time to stretch my boundaries,  this half hour will start when I start feeling anxious, and not end until I have myself in a place where I can make myself more comfortable again.
• I will do anything it takes to calm myself, like deep breathing:
•  purse my lips and breathe through them. 
• Get away to the bathroom even, 
• shut your eyes and visualize you laughing and talking to these people and how much fun you are having. Go back to the table and practice.
• Do silent affirmations about how much fun you are having, how much you like these people, how grateful you are to have friends, how grateful you are to be able to go out on the town, how grateful you are at being relaxed and feeling confident. 

Continue to practice. Write out in detail how you will feel when you have made friends and are comfortable with people. How many people do you want to be friends with?  How often do you want to have people in your week socially? Remember be as specific as possible in your writing. Read through your goal several times a day. Please leave a message in the box below to let me know what happened when you tried to expand your intimacy?
Judi Singleton is a free lance writer who writes for 20 blogs a week. You can advertise in her blogs now for just $5. a week in one or twenty. Email Judi And Order your Advertising now.